Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
