Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
