Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
