We won't sleep together?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
