your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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