Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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