then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
