how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
