smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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