yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize