Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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