i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
