i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
