Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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