Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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