I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
