she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
