Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
