You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
please come you make the beer taste better
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
