i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
