hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
