I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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