Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize