Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
