Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
