Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You took a bar mat shot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
