just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
