you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
