I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
