i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
