I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
