I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
