I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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