Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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