Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
