I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
