I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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