i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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