Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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