i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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