Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
