I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
