you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
