Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
3 2 1 whiskey
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
