And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize