Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
