why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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