i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
