So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
