Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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