Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize