I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
God, you're like boner-b-gone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
