watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
