id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
