He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
