Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize