Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
