Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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