My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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