official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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