i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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