the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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