I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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