I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
