i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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