I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
