I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
